RC: This initiative does seem like it would “Protect Marriage”, but if two people decide to not be married anymore, shouldn’t they be in charge of their own lives?

John: Sometimes other people need to sacrifice in order to protect my ideas about traditional marriage. It’s just a fact of life. It’s not about their soul-sucking sham of a marriage, it’s about what we value as a society. We live in a divorce-promiscuous society. It’s on the television, it’s in movies, the newspapers. It’s even in our kids textbooks.
I’m Catholic. In my religion, divorce is a sin — completely impermissable.

Source

My only concern is that this is serious, it could be but I don’t care. I’m getting behind it as a joke and that it’s anti-Prop 8. If it’s not and he’s serious I’d really like to be told so I can eat my words.

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First off I want to relieve your fears that you probably don’t or at least I hope you don’t have AIDS.

When I came home 3 days ago I heard what was obviously mediocre sex going on in my bedroom. Since I quickly made the deduction that someone had probably not broken into my apartment for some quick copulation I figured I had just caught my wife cheating on me which I had long suspected. Your ofish grunts were so loud that I actually had to reopen the door and slam it again for you two to hear me. I stood in the entry for a while as I heard you both scramble before calling out that I was home.

When I walked into the bedroom my wife had some excuse about having a headache and when asked about the nighty she was wearing she said it was the most comfortable thing she could find. Oh…and btw, I don’t know how many affairs that you participate in but a word of advice is that when you hide in the closest from an angry husbands you shouldn’t leave a few toes hanging out from under the door. At this point I am in a bit of a predicament…. I could have the typical masculine response and open the door and beat the piss out of you but then you might file charges and quite frankly I just don’t really care enough. Not to mention I don’t know how big you are and I couldn’t think of anything much worse than finding your wife cheating on you and then get pummeled by her new lover. It entered my mind to have some marathon sex and make you stand and watch the whole thing but seeing how she is a dirty whore the idea grossed me out a little. I came pretty close to just hanging out and masterbating but I am glad I went the direction I did.

So in liue of those options I thought of the funniest thing I could do for my own personal amusement. I sat her down on the bed and looked deeply in her eyes and told her that I had been diagnosed with early stages of AIDS. Recently I have had a series of colds and went to the doctor who told me it was probably just a string of bad luck and it was going around a little bit. The whole thing took about 2 hours and involved a lot of yelling, accusing and crying.

I felt like I hadn’t punished you quite enough, even though I fully acknowledge that it really isn’t your fault at all, so I told her that the illness was making me tired so I needed to lay down. I could hear her on the phone making an appointment with the doctor and I could hear you rustling around in the closest. You did a great job holding still seeing how you probably aren’t used to standing in a 3′x4′ closest for hours and hours on end but if I hadn’t already known you were there you would have been caught for sure.

After about another hour of laying in bed thinking of what I was going to do I felt sorry for you to be mixed up in this crazy thing so I said I was going to go fill the prescriptions the doctor gave me and left the apartment so you could leave. I hope that you weren’t too uncomfortable in there and actually felt a little guilty about it later.

Anyways, I put this in missed connections because I actually wouldn’t mind taking you out and buying you a drink. After all that is some funny stuff to laugh about and you are saving me thousands in alimony since my wife cheated and the least I can do is repay you for a $4.00 beer.

Again no hard feelings and best of luck!

BTW, you might still want to get your self tested since my wife is a dirty whore.

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I could complain about this for hours but I’m just going to let the picture do speak for itself and let you make your own judgements about the fashion industry.

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As for the image to the right, I was going to use an image of Amy Jo Johnson that I found with a witty caption about her getting raped if she attended ACEN. However, it’s aspect ratio was all forms of monkey fucked and did her no justice to how goddamn cute she is so I stole this one instead.

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I thought the trendy rebranding process was supposed to take an existing long name and shorten it down so that it’s easier to use in conversation and is more memorable. It makes a difference when I say “Please Federal Express/United Parcel Service my package” than “Please FedEx/UPS my package”. It changes your name into a verb, a task you have to complete and thus stays on your mind. I get why you do it and I’m sure it works on people with half a brain, but what did SciFi to SyFy do? Well, here’s a quote from SyFy’s President that illustrates my point perfectly.

“When we tested this new name, the thing that we got back from our 18-to-34 techno-savvy crowd, which is quite a lot of our audience, is actually this is how you’d text it,” Mr. Howe said. “It made us feel much cooler, much more cutting-edge, much more hip, which was kind of bang-on what we wanted to achieve communication-wise.” – source tvweek.com

You solidified your choice in changing your fucking name because your focus group came back saying it was how they’d txt it? Who’s txt’ing about watching SciFi anyways? Not to mention, what 18-34 year old male has so much to say in a text message any way that they can’t spare the extra one character to finish SciFi? NBC, (owners of SciFi) you’re out of touch with today’s audience than you think and if you knew anything you’d realize that txt speak is cool to 12yr old girls and 18-34yr old care more about what 4chan and pedo bear are up to before they care about saving one character in a text message.

Good luck in your future endeavors, SyFy, as I don’t understand how changing your name removes the stigma you already have of crappy original programming (your movies are wretched) and mediocre syndication.

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Indiana Jones Sucks

Typing them all out for SEO as I must feed the internet, it’s hungry!

Real Archaeological Method:

1. Turn up to the office, do some history.
2. Remain object and analytical.
3. Speculate on the lives of those who lived in the past.
4. Carefully preserve rare and ancient artifacts.
5. Attempt to excavate with as little disruption as possible.
6. Via hours of study, become somewhat bookish and academic.
7. Receive peer recognition for a lifetime of work.

Indiana Jones’ Method:

1. Neglect your students hunting for artifacts.
2. Say: “Nazis. I hate Nazis.”
3. Uncover global scheme for world domination.
4. Smash your way into any and all historic monuments.
5. Cause an earthquake and/or split ground open.
6. Become adept at using a whip, punching people and flying aircraft.
7. Wonder why you get tired.

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Dog – 1, Man – 0

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ASU's First Undie Run Source: phoenixnewtimes.com

UCLA’s tradition of stripping down and running around campus has officially been kaiboshed. A piece of me died inside but a piece of me still knows that ASU still has one!

The pic on the right was taken at the ASU undie run in 2008, albeit they don’t have the turn out nor nearly the same selection of USDA Prime but there may be hope for the legacy of the undie run to live on.

LA’ist has always been the #1 source of UCLA undie run pictures so here’s a dupe of their link list for your own enjoyment.

Previous UCLA Undie Run Coverage
The Best of the UCLA Undie Run 2006-2008
Fall 2006, Part 1
Fall 2006, Part 2
Winter 2007, Part 1
Winter 2007, Part 2
Winter 2007, Part 3
Spring 2007
Fall 2007, Part 1
Fall 2007, Part 2
Winter 2008
Biggest Undie Run Yet: Spring 2008

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