Alright, so I know a couple of fat white dudes. These fat white dudes (who always seem to be * conservative, with the exception of Michael Moore) are really fat…and ugly….but I digress. My point about these fat white dudes is that I AM INTERESTED IN PAYING FOR THEIR MEDICAL CARE!!! Let’s be honest, one of these fuckers is going to have a heart attack or stroke or anal cancer some day soon and I want to be there to help pay for their treatment. Is it their fault that they ate their fat asses into oblivion because “nobody is going to tell them how to live their lives” and “it’s a free country so I can do as I please?” No, I don’t blame them, they are just being good old Americans.

Now, Some detractors may say, “but Mr. Smarmy, why would you want to pay your money to help them…they put themselves into this situation, shouldn’t they pay for it?” Well, Mr detractor, yes, technically, if I were a purely Capitalist minded self-interested rational individual, then these fat gas bags should die the horrible deaths they have been working towards for all these years. But fortunately for them, I am not that type of person and let me tell you a little bit about why.

Some might say that the socialized medicine (it’s really more like socialized insurance rather than medicine…doctors and hospitals will still be privately run…duh!) plan/s currently causing so much embarrassment for America are evil and that medical insurance should remain in the hands of profiteering private entities. Here’s why I have a problem with that. Some uneducated dumb shits will say that since health care is not a right, as it is not specifically mentioned in the constitution, that the government has no right to offer it as a service. OK, fair enough, but what are our rights? We’ll just take the top three: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Life. Well, if your sick and or dead because of an illness…umm…you really can’t have life can you? Life isn’t just life for life’s sake. There are certain preconditions for these things you know. I mean, in order to have life, in the most basic sense, you have to start out with sex (now we’re talking)! Then of course, there’s nurturing (parenting), food, water, shelter, love, etc. All of these things are just some of the necessary prerequisites for a sustained and happy (what’s the third right doing in here?) life (well, at least until you are 18, they you’re on your own). Now, it may not be obvious to some, so conservatives try to sick with me here, but if you don’t have health…it makes a sustained and happy life somewhat difficult. And thinking about health care in the 1700′s (blood letting, faith healing…ohh that one is still around, etc.), can you really blame them?

Liberty. Ahh…good old freedom of action! Well, tell me, how much liberty to pursue your life and happiness do you have when you have a urinary tract infection or severe anal hemorrhoids (as I’m sure most fat white dudes have) or cancer or epilepsy or seizures or spina bifida or crohn’s disease? Meh, easy stuff right? Being constrained to a bed or wheelchair with hardly enough energy to talk and in so much pain you think bamboo shoots in the fingernails would be a vacation…that wouldn’t be an affront to your freedom of action right? Now, you white folks are tougher than that, and so should everyone else.

Happiness. Eh, just read the above two, you get the idea.

Now, I’ve heard the argument that by keeping health insurance a free market and reducing government regulations, market principles would lower costs and provide all the fixing the industry needs. Alright, I’m going to need some strength for this one so let take a quick puff of my medical marijuana….ok. Yes, the principles of macroeconomics and the free-market do say these things. Problem solved right? Not really. Macroeconomic theory, like many other academic disciplines, work of assumptions. The assumptions of free-market capitalism are that there is healthy competition, the costs of entry into the market are relatively low, the cost of a customer moving to another provider is not unduly burdensome (I don’t remember the technical term here), information symmetry, and rational decision making (there are probably more assumptions but fuck it, I’m not an economist).

Tell me, how many of these assumptions are meet in the health insurance market? NONE! There is little to no competition in the market. We have what might be called a cartel of a few service providers fixing artificially high prices for their services. Good luck trying to move to competitor…there are none…especially when the only way for someone with a preexisting condition to get coverage is through an employer who makes you pick the plans that are the cheapest for them. Information symmetry…HA! Much of profit is driven by information ASYMMETRY!!! Rational decision making…well, our decisions can’t be rational if we don’t truly have a choice.

So back to my pale skinned fat fellows. You can count on me to be there to support your disgusting lifestyle and utter lack of regard and compassion for your fellow human beings! Don’t let people tell you what you should or should not eat, or that you should exercise, or that you could use some sun…no, that would telling you how to live your life and that’s just unamerican! Thus, if all goes according to plan, I will be contributing to your health care. After all, someone educated has to look after you dumb asses.

Filed under: General, fat white people, health care, socialism