I have no idea when it became popular to travel and take everything with but I really hate the trend. There is travel size everything now and one needs to go to your local Target to see an entire wall dedicated to travel sized toiletries. I will however not complain about travel size toiletries because they definitely have a place, who wants to lug the Costco supersized shampoo bottle or their oversized luffa sponge, especially if you’re only going to be gone for a couple days. Buying travel toiletries can and will be condoned.

But when the hell did someone decide everything needed to be travel size? Take the picture above for example. This is a classy $70 dollar set of travel bar utensils that includes ice tongs… for what? Is this when you’ve stumbled back from the Casino floor drunk and need a dash of ice in your night cap? Are you too classy that you can’t fill up a trash can from the ice machine and use your hands like us common folk?

There is now an entire website devoted to travel sized items and let me list the ones that piss me off.

• Lucky Charms – Now I’ve had these before and I know they used to make a box that had a perforated front face so you could punch it out, cut the wax bag that holds the cereal and pour milk in it like a bowl. There is about zero nutritional value in most cereals these days (especially the ones that are packaged travel sized) and when have you ever craved a shitty dried up marshmallow so bad that you had to take a box with you in your carry on. “But Smarmy, I have kids.” blah blah shut up, get a zip-lock bag like a real human being. They pack nicer
• Astroglide – Can’t use spit like everyone else?
• Games…. Pop-o-matic Trouble, Sorry, BattleShip… You’re paying more in licensing fees to Milton Bradley than for the cheap plastic and magnets you’re buying. Bring a book or suck it up and buy a DVD player for the kids so they can watch Finding Nemo again.
• Her Overnight Kit – Nothing screams “I bang chicks like you all the time” than pulling this little number out after a night of coitus.

Filed under: General