In no particular order:

1. Home of the worst drivers in the US – The drivers out here are by far the worst I have seen anywhere! The difference between here and, say, Cali, is that in Cali, the drivers drive crazy but at least they know what they are doing. Out here, the drivers drive crazy but they have no clue WTF they are doing. Arizona is a strict enforcement state with a shit load of highway and red-light cameras. The only thing this does is ensure that people drive poor but slowly when passing the cameras, rather than fast and poorly as they do at all other times. I don’t understand why the focus is on speed when the it’s the driving ability that is the problem here. Cali highways are FAST but people at least know how to drive.

2. Phoenix is a dirty city…in more ways than one – First off, the pollution. Way to go on the emissions standards conservatives! Screw the environment right! Well I guess you like the high pollution warnings that occur every few weeks out here. The particulate air matter is so thick anything beyong one mile out looks like Rosie O’Donnell after 10 shots of Cuervo; simply one big blur. Cancer? What’s that? I hope you all find out you stem cell hating bible reading retards.

3. Lower than average intelligence. Yea I said it! Having conversations with people out here is like taking a cheese grater to my brain. I get better conversations out of my cats than I do with most people out here.

4. Narcissistic disorder for about 80% of the population. People out here have been reading too much Ayn Rand. Everyone only thinks of themselves and take actions based upon what they can get for themselves. What does this translate into you might ask? Well let’s see….horrible driving, no manners, laziness, inflated self worth, the “I know it all” complex, penis envy, theism as a counterbalance to Objectivism, and a whole shit pot of other stupid traits that are ohh so common in the conservative mindset.

5. Freeway closures. Here’s a thought you dipshit ADOT, how about you don’t close down entire freeways on the weekends. That way everyone doesn’t have to sit in traffic on the weekends like we do every fucking weekday. How about, ohh I don’t know, you do the work during the night like Cali does it…you know, when there are the least number of people using the FUCKING ROADS! Also, your spastic freeway architects seem to only know how to design highways to increase traffic and confusion; single freeways that run in every direction: north, south, east and west! Shit, if you’re only going to build a few freeways, at least give them different names (“take the 101 North”…which one?). And of course, who can forget the multi-directional lanes. Yea, you read that right, some genius thought it would be a good idea to have lanes that change direction depending on the time of day and traffic conditions. So in the morning a traffic lane can run north -> south, then in the evening it can run south -> north. This shit isn’t rocket science guys.

6.  The weather. Yea, this one is a big surprise. 120 degrees in the summer…come on. Now granted, this is not something that can really be controlled, but still…one more thing that sucks about Arizona. And to you tools who think that the weather is fine 9 months out of the year. That’s great that you can stand outside without suffering heat stroke 3/4 of the year but for what…to look at the beautiful layer of smog that blankets the valley? To count the rocks that seem to cover this entire state? What good is decent weather if there is NOTHING TO DO OUTSIDE!

7. Crime. Every city has crime, I know that. But let me tell you something about Phoenix crime…IT’S INSANE! You get shit like 4 kids raping an 8 year-old girl, or the choice time for home burglary being when people are home (which results in a high number of residents being raped and killed). FBI crime stats show Phoenix classified as a dangerous city given the five major crime measures: murder, rape, robbery, aggravated assault, burglary, and car theft. Maybe instead of profiling for illegal Mexicans, Arpaio and his racist sheriffs (not all…but most) should be redirecting resources to actually reducing crime instead of promoting racist authoritarian crackdowns.

Yea, I know the title says 10 but I’m incredibly too important and busy to waste my time telling you why this state can suck my asshole.

Filed under: General